On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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