Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
