Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
