I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
