well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I did not marry a roomba.
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