I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
