If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
