I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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