im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
where are my pants?
in the oven.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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