Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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