Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
