So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
