The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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