No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
