i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
