Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
