Im at strip club and am horny
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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