thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
