ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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