sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Blood and glitter go together right?
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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