I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
