no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
