cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
