Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
