Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
