"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
