just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
