so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
