Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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