What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You may now shotgun with the bride
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
