Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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