I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
