is your mom at the bar?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
