party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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