i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
