Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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