You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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