Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
