Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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