And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
