I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
