so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
