I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
