Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
