she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children