i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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