Texts From Last Night

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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea

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  (720): Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea http://tfl.nu/2bz5
  Replies (9) Good night (2135) Bad night (564)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection

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  (206): Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection http://tfl.nu/mgca
  Replies (21) Good night (2705) Bad night (664)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.

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  (484): I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today. http://tfl.nu/rr17
  Replies (18) Good night (4520) Bad night (888)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"

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  (414): I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?" http://tfl.nu/89sw
  Replies (9) Good night (916) Bad night (3594)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.

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  (832): I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep. http://tfl.nu/qpw1
  Replies (15) Good night (1672) Bad night (4367)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.

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  (319): This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner. http://tfl.nu/r7j7
  Replies (7) Good night (866) Bad night (2989)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?

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  (410): How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad? http://tfl.nu/jjfi
  Replies (5) Good night (626) Bad night (1691)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.

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  (443): If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating. http://tfl.nu/mpso
  Replies (8) Good night (779) Bad night (2098)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back

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  (912): Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back http://tfl.nu/294t
  Replies (7) Good night (2826) Bad night (865)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.

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  (860): My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church. (1-860): I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life. http://tfl.nu/n824
  Replies (4) Good night (2166) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.

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  (204): Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small. http://tfl.nu/6zla
  Replies (3) Good night (970) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.

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  (484): We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town. http://tfl.nu/27ii
  Replies (23) Good night (2122) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.

  (1-506): View more from New Brunswick

  Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.

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  (505): She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once. (1-506): Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring. http://tfl.nu/s5ra
  Replies (7) Good night (2154) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?

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  (585): I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for? http://tfl.nu/qqo1
  Replies (8) Good night (490) Bad night (352)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?

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  (905): So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose? http://tfl.nu/yuqf
  Replies (12) Good night (322) Bad night (1275)

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