hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
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Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
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I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.