quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations