the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
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I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
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What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding