Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?