You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
