so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
