i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
