I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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