it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
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Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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