ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
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come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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