You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
