Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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