i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
