So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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