I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
