omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
