Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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