we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
