Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
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I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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