"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
