in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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