I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
