Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
