did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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