Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
