Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Blood and glitter go together right?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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