I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i was born a porn star she said
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you had me at cake vodka
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
