I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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