New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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