That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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