i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Randomize
